We live in a porn-saturated culture today, and while lusting after a woman has always been a temptation in all ages, the immediate availability and lack of accountability in today’s tech-world is new and deadly.
 
Dads and Moms both need to know and accept the fact that boys are tempted with, if not indulging in, pornography. There are girls who sometimes struggle with this temptation, but for many reasons, this is predominantly a male problem. Girls are mostly dealing with the dehumanizing, devaluing, and violent objectification of what should be the honoring of feminine beauty. Below are some principles on how to disciple and walk with our boys, growing our young men into faithful, strong, masculine leaders of home, church, and culture.
 
First, we must acknowledge that this immoral pandemic exists and has a paideia all its own. The use of pornography is a sin (Matthew 5:27-28), but it is also a “gateway drug” to deeper and darker infidelities. But you can’t address your son’s temptations if you are not addressing your own first; a father must be sexually pure himself (Matthew 7:5). As the covenant head, if you are allowing the use of pornography in your life, you have covenantally invited it into your home for all. You will reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7). So, deal with yourself first.
 
Second, as you discipline your son from a very early age, you are training him to have self-control, patience, obedience, and joy in the small corrections so that he is well practiced when the bigger temptations come (Hebrews 12:11). You are teaching him to rule his own body, appetites, and emotions. Faithful men are obedient men and so there is real training for life going on when you require immediate, complete, and joyful obedience from your young boys. Teach them to be tough when they fall and experience pain. Require of them to face their fears. Train them to avoid complaining, excuse-making, dishonoring, lying, and cheating. Require of them to take dominion of their room and their stuff, and to bear the loads of others. This prepares them for the stronger temptations ahead.
 
Third, Dads and Moms, but especially Dads, develop a relationship with your son where he comes to you with any concern, temptation, sin, dream, desire, or attraction. Your first response should always be, “Thank you for letting me know, I am the safe place to come, and I can help.” Do not be afraid to warn him, “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent…” (Proverbs 1:10ff). Not only should you carefully monitor who your child is spending time with, you need to build the trust of your children where they never want to hide anything from you. Open communication with your son is far more effective than any parental-control device you can put on his phone and laptop.
 
Fourth, have open conversations with your sons about pornography and sexual temptations. Help them see that these temptations are common to us all (1 Corinthians 10:13). Show them from scripture that the subject comes up over and over. Moms, do not tell your son that the girl on the magazine cover at the store is “disgusting” or “gross” because that is a lie. God made a woman’s body to be beautiful and appealing. Instead teach how the harlot uses her beauty to sin and seduce men to sin (Proverbs 7:6-23). On the other hand, teach him what it means when scripture says, “marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled.” Sexual pleasure in the context of the covenant vows of marriage is both the right place for such pursuits and is honorable to God. Christians are not against sex; we are against fraudulent sex – it destroys people, families, and cultures. But faithful marriage beds produce families and a culture of joy, peace, and contentment.
 
Providence seeks to be a place that honors God’s design for man, made in His image, male and female. We seek to be a place that has high standards in sexual fidelity which is why we do not permit manifestations of exclusive romantic relationships at school and why we have embedded into our Handbook helpful guiding principles for proper conduct between members of the opposite sex. And it is why we will not tolerate the disparagement of women by allowing any use of pornography by our staff, teachers, or students. We want to do all we can to help you create a culture in your home as well as a culture here at school that fights for biblical fidelity because it is true and beautiful. As recommended reading for parents and older students, I suggest: Fidelity (Douglas Wilson), More than a Battle (Joe Rigney), and Finally Free (Heath Lambert).

Dave attended Washington State University where he graduated with a BA in Business Administration. He also has three years post-graduate..