Practical Steps to Encourage Sturdy Children

Written by Ryan Evans on November 17th, 2023

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Our Providence Foundations events this year focused on two issues important to all of us: tech-wise family habits, and raising sturdy, mature children. December and January will feature some additional tech-wise principles and habits from Providence families. This month is focused on principles from Dr. Keith McCurdy, our guest speaker at our last parent event (with 170 parents in attendance!).Dr. McCurdy offered several challenges to our secondary students worth sharing. While these are great for students in grades 7-12, they apply to younger children as well, and even to adults. His engaging style connected well with students, sparking hallway conversations between students portending future action! To assist parents with their student resolutions, and to assist in the changing mindsets and practices, below is a summary of the challenges presented to the students:

1. Be Deliberate in Handling “Drama”“Drama” can be defined as an emotionally-charged situation where feelings can dictate behavior. “Feelings,” Dr. McCurdy said, “do not discern truth and cannot differentiate between fantasy and reality.” He advised that in situations where feelings can inhibit wise responses, students should wait 24 hours before responding AND seek out someone older and wiser for counsel before doing so. Great advice for all of us.2. Social Media Challenge
Social media is anything involving manipulation with a screen, including texting, Instagram, YouTube, and even video games. The link between social media use and rising anxiety/depression levels is irrefutable and thus a no-brainer to limit what can quickly turn addictive. Two options:
  1. Full – Go dark for 30 days. No social media (including texting) other than what is necessary for homework, transportation, and educational studies (e.g. Teams, homework chat, etc.)
  2. Partial – Instead of a full cut, limit social media by half of current usage.
In lieu of texting, Dr. McCurdy advises old-fashioned phone conversations for maintaining communication, relationships, and effective conversation. The result? He has never had a student accept the full challenge without admitting later that while difficult, it was a healthy and worthy process.3. Be a Contributor, not a Consumer
Dr. McCurdy explained that in past generations, children became fully functioning, contributing members of society earlier, and had much lower levels of anxiety and depression. By giving young people responsibility (e.g. a 2-year-old can pick up his toys), they become contributors, growing in responsibility and maturity. This category also pertains to mindset and how we practice gratitude, track our own self-talk, and seek to contribute and add rather than take. Specifically:
  1. Track your complaining – Track what you are complaining about and ask, “Are these real problems?” To use Dr. McCurdy’s grandma’s example: if your head isn’t on fire and you’re not bleeding out of your eyeballs, it’s probably not worthy of complaint!
  2. Practice thankfulness – Practice gratitude by actually saying “Thank you” whenever appropriate. Lots of opportunities to start practicing at home.
  3. Be agreeable and practice saying “Yes” – Again, students should train their own feelings to do what they know is right and avoid feeling like a victim. When asked by mom to do something, practice an automatic yes and follow through.

The biggest topic of conversation with students in the hallways was the Social Media Challenge. We all know what is right and healthy, but actually doing it can require additional motivation and encouragement. With this in mind, parents are encouraged to accept the challenges above and support their children to do likewise.

Ryan Evans

Ryan has served as headmaster at Providence for nearly two decades, and prior to joining Providence, he taught sixth grade..